One bottle of wine.
1. Set up a nice candlelit balcony outside in the warm evening air.
2. Take the bottle of chilled wine from fridge, licking your chops as you go.
3. Prepare glasses to receive wine.
4. Realise you don't have the corkscrew. OR ANY OTHER USEFUL KITCHEN EQUIPMENT.
5. Mull over situation and try to be stoic. ("Mull"ed wine anyone?! No?!)
6. Stuff stoicism and embrace the literalism of the words "cork" and "screw"...
7. Apply some brute force:
8. Expect the cork to break in half due to step 7.
9. NEVER GIVE UP. THERE'S WINE IN THAT THERE BOTTLE AND WE IS GOING TO DRINK IT! Apply more screws:
10. Have one person holding the bottle and the other applying more of step 7 until you make that sucker POP.
11. Take picture of the successful and effective team work you have just - nope, hang on, the wine is open now - see you guys later!